By Stephanie L. Holloway
 
Twenty-something years ago, a coworker named Michelle told me, “Thank you for your service. Military spouses need to hear this too.” I didn’t think much of it at the time, and it took me years to realize it, but she was right. Military spouses serve too.
 
Deployments, drills, and annual trainings — or any of those hard times when your spouse is gone for a while — you learn to grow into your superpowers.
 
Not a mentally resilient person? You will be. Oof … your emotions most certainly will get a workout.
 
Not the best at fixing your car problems? You’ll think you’re a certified mechanic by the time your spouse returns.
 
Trying to figure out how your toddler daughter will celebrate Father’s Day at a daycare party while your husband is away? Look in the mirror: It’s you! You’re Mom and Dad. And your kids will come to recognize this too.
 
Does a traumatic or tough situation make you a stronger person? It’s different for everyone, but for lots of military spouses, it’s true. You just have to learn to roll with the punches. 
 
“While it’s something we do because it’s their job and we love them, the emotional separation can take a toll,” said ALA National Headquarters’ Amanda Ginter, also a military spouse. “It’s not easy, and it’s really something you must work through daily. Luckily, technology is more advanced than it used to be, but it’s different from having them right there next to you.”
 
Back in 2006-2007, my husband and I were married only 1.5 years when he was deployed overseas. It was hard, for sure, but even back then, we were able to talk every day around my lunch hour. When something was wrong with the phone system and he couldn’t call, I hated every bit of it. The strangest part was that those days always made me think of the generation of military spouses before me — they had to rely on postal mail to communicate with their loved ones. And even then, it wasn’t regular or reliable. Talk about having to be strong on the homefront. 
 
While we military spouses are more or less forced into resiliency, it’s our children who should be commended for being most adaptable. They learn that it takes a few months to build a new routine, only for it to be disrupted when Mom/Dad comes back from duty. They learn to make a new environment home every few years when PCS orders come in. 
 
And while the entire household learns to acclimate to change in general when a military parent is involved, it doesn’t mean things are easy.
 
“Yes, a couple of times I put the baby to bed, grabbed the monitor, went to the garage, shut the door, and screamed,” Ginter said. 
 
Definitely relatable. After I’d finally get the kids to bed (if you know kids, you know they are notorious for stretching out the bedtime routine, especially when you’re exhausted), it’s not like I could immediately crash into soft sheets calling my name. I had to go back into the kitchen and put the dirty dishes away from dinner. That’s when the stress tears usually started rolling down my face.
 
If you know or meet a military spouse, please give them some love. Annually, Military Spouse Appreciation Day gives Americans a chance to honor the “silent heroes” of the military community. Established in 1984, this special day is celebrated the Friday before Mother’s Day (May 8 this year). 
 
I know I’ll be thinking of my fellow military spouses and their strength for keeping things together, despite the trials and tribulations they face on a constant basis. And Michelle, wherever you are today, I want to thank youfor helping me realize all those years ago just how much we serve too. 
 
Are you a military spouse? We’d love to hear your story! All generations and war periods welcome. Email us at PR@ALAforVeterans.org.